The Many Different Responses to Learning a Vampire Is Real

Dating is hard. Some of us are familiar with 'the many stages of finding out the person you're dating is someone other than who you thought they were.' People are like onions, and as the layers peel, lots of stuff is revealed. This can apply to narcissists, people already in marriages, or codependents. But what happens when you find out the person you're dating is a Vampire?

If you’re like us and obsessed with all things vampire, from Buffy and Blade, to Interview With the Vampire, then you’ll know that the experience of learning that someone is a vampire is not monolithic. So here are some of our favorite reactions, and the various emotional stages that fictional mortals go through as they discover someone close to them is a blood-sucking demon.

Utter Denial That Vampires Exist

There's nothing more fun to watch than Phoebe and Marcus from A Discovery of Witches, as they embark on their rollercoaster interspecies relationship. So much drama. Phoebe, who is human, captures our hearts with one of the most realistic portrayals we've seen of realizing your partner is a vampire: denial. Obviously, it’s not the easiest thing to accept. We may be used to having our partner's favorite milk alternative on hand in the fridge, but blood doesn't usually make the grocery list. The good news for Marcus is that post-denial, Phoebe actually starts to fall in love with him (as many of us tend to do with Vampires).


In Utter Awe of the Vampire

We could talk about Buffy meeting Angel, or we could talk about Elena discovering the truth about Stefan in Vampire Diaries, but you really can't beat Bella’s initial reaction in Twilight when she figures out that Edward is a Vampire. It takes some time, but slowly Bella begins to put the pieces together. He's ice cold, he can stop a moving car with his arm and walk away without a scratch, plus he's really, really fast.

When she finally confronts him in the woods, she sees how fast Edward really is. As Edward climbs to the tops of insanely tall trees, jumping across them, Bella is sitting on his back in utter awe.

No Reaction (aka They Die Too Fast)

You could be seconds from realizing the person you sat next to is a vampire, before they're deep in your neck giving you a deadly hickey. In From Dusk till Dawn, we see just how quickly a crew of Vampires can tear through unknowing humans. If you learn anything from this, it’s to cover your neck, eat some garlic-heavy guacamole and always carry a cross.


Not Having It

When Diana meets Matthew, she's still trying to bury her powers as a witch. So when she discovers he's a Vampire, the natural enemy of any witch, she does not take his presence lightly. It also doesn't help that Matthew is relentless, following Diana to work, the library, and even a coffee shop. As an independent witch-woman, she's really not into it.

Diana eventually comes to terms with the fact that Vampires are a Demon she could possibly vibe with... but that's not until after she plays a nice, long game of very hard to get.

A Slow Death

If you're excited for AMC’s new Interview With the Vampire series, you've likely experienced the 1994 film of the same name. The movie features Claudia, a child, who is quick to turn her newfound life as a Vampire into a positive. She doesn’t fit into the typical Vampire archetype. You know, the handsome, brooding, blood-sucking heartthrob. Luckily her Vampire Daddies, played by Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise, cover that side of things. Claudia learns how to get what she wants (blood), in her own way. This includes luring her victims in with her childish charm, and then slowly draining them of their blood supply.

Tell us, what would your reaction would be if you learned Vampires were in fact real?


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